Forgotten Sleep

While I don’t often put my religious and spiritual beliefs out there for the world to see, I am a person of deep faith. My belief in God has shepherded me through many times of crisis, self-doubt, pain and uncertainty. His grace has provided me with all that I hold dear in my life, and now is one of those rare times when I feel the need to say thank you publicly.

We’re in the midst of the holiday season, and I’ve been surrounded by family — both my own parents, Loving Husband’s parents and the family that he and I have created together. There’s been much laughter, some awkwardness and a lot of eating. Writing this all down in a narrative form would be too difficult, so here it goes:

I’m thankful that I have both my parents. Not everyone my age is so lucky. The fact that I’ve almost lost both of them makes it all the more precious that I can sit with my dad and argue about whether to watch yet another ball game or to sit in silence with my mom while she knits and I read a book.

I’m thankful that Loving Husband has both his parents. They are older than mine, but they are in particularly good health. They still travel and are active in exercise and community activities.

Add these two together, and I’m thankful that my children have two sets of vibrant grandparents. I wasn’t so lucky. The one set I had was phenomenal, and I still miss them dearly. But it’s so much fun to watch Big Girl and Little Man try desperately to decide to whom they want to pay attention at that particular moment.

When I look in the faces of my children, I am overcome with a sense of gratitude. There is nothing that I have done in my life to deserve two such beautiful, sweet, loving, intelligent, vivacious, charming, healthy, spunky, animated children. But God gave them to me, and I will spend the rest of my life doing everything that I can to make sure that they have a good, happy life. That includes exposing them to the want and need in our society — it’s really the only way to make sure they develop a true appreciation for their extreme good fortune in life.

In a time of such economic hardship, I am incredibly thankful that I am employed and that I truly love my job. I have a boss who has high standards and expects much, but a boss who also has compassion and a good perspective of what matters most in this world.

I am thankful, also, that Loving Husband finally has a job where he is appreciated. Where his talents and abilities are able to shine and reach their full potential. I am thankful that his bosses see the importance of providing for employees who give their all.

In addition to all this, I am thankful for Loving Husband. He puts up with me, and if you know me, you know I’m not a person with whom it is easy to live. But he loves me in spite of my faults. Like no other person, he makes me feel comfortable, like I can be myself — no pretense, no games, no faces shown only to the world. Just me. I love him deeply for that.

It’s so easy this time of year to get caught up in what present to get for this person or that. It’s easy to fall into the trap of focusing on how much money we spend on each person on “our list.” I had an experience this afternoon that made all of that nonsense disappear. I received an email at work about a family truly in need. An elderly grandmother, a mother with multiple sclerosis, a developmentally-challenged toddler, two pre-teen boys and two adult nephews. Very little money, squalid living conditions and scarce resources. My mind began to scream, “There but for the grace of God, go I.” And that’s so true.

God, thank you for my life. Not just for the breath you gave me, but for the life you have allowed me to lead. For the people in my life, for the comforts in my life, for the happiness in my life. Thank you for giving me so much — much more than I know I’ve ever deserved.

This is my very public, thankful prayer.