Forgotten Sleep

Dear Account Thief No. 2,

I’d like to know what it is that I’ve done to make myself a target again. I’m not mean to anyone. I’m actually a caring, kind individual who has a lot of empathy. So, why exercise your illegal whims on me?

Yes, The Bank called me again this morning, alerting me that you’ve been pilfering cash out of my bank account. Just how did you get my debit card number, I’d like to know. That card practically never leaves my side. Surely you weren’t someone so slick as to slip it out of my wallet as I looked the other way. Are you one of those losers who sits at the computer and just types in random card numbers until you find one that works?

And what is this lame stuff you’re buying? These are places I’ve never even heard of — rezmelts? Huh? Okay, PCGamers I get, but that just solidifies my belief that you’re pathetic.

So, The Bank has launched an investigation into you. I hope they find out. I’d love to have a chat — as sweet as I am to most people, I can be as equally big of a bitch. Just like I told Credit Card Thief, if The Bank finds you, I’m coming for you, and I’m bringing out the big guns.

Have a nice day.