Forgotten Sleep

My Little Man had his first hair cut today. Sniff, sniff. Mommy wipes away her tears.

Don’t get wrong — he needed the hair cut. Hair was in his eyes, down below the bottom of his ears, and I believe that he had the beginning of what could’ve become a mullet or a rat tail. Something had to be done.

There happens to be a salon specifically for kids in our city, and they’re great. The kids get to sit in suspended cars or airplanes. Each station has an individual DVD player so the children can watch cartoons. There’s even a train set available for older siblings who are just waiting for kid sis or bro to have their hair trimmed.

We bought the “First-Cut Package” — before and after photo, a few locks of hair and a certificate. Some might consider that over the top, but when you think about the fact that my mother took all the hair from my first hair cut, braided it, put it in a Ziploc bag and left it in the side table drawer in my bedroom (where is still resides, by the way), this was not over the top.

I was excited to see Little Man get his new ‘do, but at the same time it was sad. With each snip of the scissors, I said goodbye to a small bit of his infancy. Each time I picked up a soft tuft of hair, I saw my baby turning into a little boy. It’s so hard to describe that odd mixture of emotions. I want my son to grow up. I want him to be independent. But, at the same time, he is my last child. After him, there will be no more gooing and gaaing little ones toddling around my house.

Normally, I’m not a very emotional person, and I certainly don’t cry very often. And, I didn’t cry today, but watching my son get his first hair cut (squirming, fussing, showing his blazing red temper from time to time), I did get a bit nostalgic for his babyhood that was intact just a few hours ago.

It’s strange, I’ve known for a long time how to deal with situations and phases of my life that have been ended for me — lost jobs, school graduations, passing family members. Grappling with knowing that I’ve ended one for myself will take a bit longer.